Coming Out of Our Comfort Zone

As I find myself, and the children’s book I have written, more and more in the media, I find I am well and truly out of my comfort zone. I am by no means media savvy. Prior to the book’s publication, I have never spoken on the radio (well, once on talkback and I became so nervous I hung up) or been on TV. I am just your ordinary, everyday mother of three and primary school teacher. So when asked to talk on radio or television my nerves really start to kick in, and I am well and truly out of my comfort zone. But I tell myself to be brave, you can do this, you have something important to say.

My book, Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept is a book about empowering children and teaching them that their body is their body, and no-one has the right to touch it. Okay, let’s be honest; what it’s really about is sexual abuse prevention and that takes EVERYONE out of their comfort zone. Parents in particular. Nobody wants to ever imagine that their child could be a victim of sexual abuse. But I am asking you to come out of your comfort zone and take your head out of the sand. With 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 7 boys being sexually abused before they reach 18, we can no longer ignore the elephant in the room. Most parents when confronted with this statistic, twitch a little, look very uncomfortable and avoid eye contact, but what they are secretly saying to themselves is: this could never possibly happen to my child. Wrong. 93% of kids know their perpetrator. It is most often someone they know well and trust in their immediate or extended family and community. Remember perpetrators groom both the parents and their children, and they are VERY skilled at it.

So let’s be honest with ourselves and look this issue square in the eye. We are not always there to watch over our kids: the first sleepover, the first school camp, the first camping trip with the neighbours, where you there? Everyone I know is comfortable with teaching water safety and road safety to their children. Not a problem. You teach your child to swim, just in case they find themselves in deep water when you’re not there. You teach them to cross the road, just in case they have to cross a busy street without you. But…do you teach your child body safety just in case someone touches them inappropriately when you’re not there? Or, do they just have to work out its wrong on their own? Rest assured the perpetrator will be telling them it’s our special secret and they must never tell anyone or ... Does your child know to say, ‘Stop!’ in a confident voice, ‘My body is my body and you can’t touch it!’? Does you child know to tell someone they trust about the violation straightaway and keeping on telling until they are believed?

In summary, I am asking both fathers and mothers not to crawl or slip gingerly out of your comfort zone but to leap out with purpose and conviction and teach body safety skills to your child. You will soon find that your comfort zone expands rapidly and you will wonder what all the angst was about. Begin early. Your child will be thankful you did. Even if they are never ever abused, and we certainly hope to God they never ever are, at least you have empowered them with the skills to stop the abuse before it begins. Once it begins, a lifetime of pain and suffering has also begun.

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Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.