Lesson Plans for Teachers: Body Safety; Gender Equality; Social and Emotional Intelligence

ATTENTION Teachers! We have just released some new resources: Lesson Plans for the topics of Body Safety, Gender Equality, and Social and Emotional Intelligence. 

Written by Jayneen Sanders and Yale Merceica, these fully developed lesson plans incorporate questions and activities based on the messages in our books, to help you convey important and empowering life skills to your students. The content is age-appropriate and suitable for Preschool and Primary/Elementary School classes.

The Lesson Plans include: key outcomes, teaching notes, resource masters, whole class and individual activities integrated with the reading of our books to make the teaching process easier for you.

The Lesson Plans are modular and available as a purchase option with each of our Book Bundles:


For anyone who already has the books, the Lesson Plans can be purchased separately.


For even more teaching resources, our very successful and comprehensive Body Safety Education Teacher’s Resource Kit is available in Preschool and Primary School Editions. As well as including books and teaching notes, the Teacher’s Resource Kit also includes an Activity Book, activity resource masters, parent information letter and hand-out, access to Powerpoint files for in-servicing teachers and parent information sessions, full-colour printed posters, and laminated Safe/Unsafe cards.

15 Key Communication Skills for Students

The following communication skills may be helpful for students when discussing or debating ideas in a group situation.

Let everyone have a turn at speaking.

1. Allow everyone in the group a chance to speak and acknowledge what they said respectfully, e.g. “I hear and understand what you said and I agree/disagree. I think … because …”

Don’t make fun or discount another person’s ideas.

2. Speak about ideas and not about a person/s.

Listen to others when it’s their turn. Listening to other’s ideas is how we learn.

3. Do not dominate the conversation; allow each person a turn to speak.

 Do not dominate the conversation; allow each person a turn to speak.

Do not dominate the conversation; allow each person a turn to speak.

4. Listen and don’t interrupt or talk over others, allowing each speaker to finish his/her point.

5. Listen with empathy, respect and courtesy, be mindful of others feelings/passions as they speak.

Take time to talk about and explore ideas.

6. Give those in the group time to think about and understand the discussion before moving on.

7. All speakers should try to keep to the point and focus on the topic at hand and not be distracted.

8. Be aware of your own biases.

9. Have an open mind to changing your stance if the evidence is clear.

10. Endeavor to build an understanding of the content and context of the debate.

11. If the aim of the group is to work towards a shared solution/outcome, be open-minded and flexible without compromising your values.

Ask questions of others.

12. Ask clarifying questions.

Don’t be afraid to speak up. Your voice matters.

13. Don’t be afraid to voice your opinion if it is in disagreement with the majority.

14. All voices count and all voices matter, be respectful of this.

Don’t take the argument with you.

15. Leave disagreements around the topic behind when leaving the room.


Jayneen Sanders (aka Jay Dale) is a teacher, author, mother of three and writes children’s books on Body SafetyGender EqualityConsentRespect and Social and Emotional Intelligence

All Jayneen’s books are available at www.e2epublishing.info and Amazon.

 

Comment

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

This is why we need to stop using gender stereotypes and promote gender equality in our homes and schools

'The causes of family violence are complex and include gender inequality and community attitudes towards women...There is no doubt that violence against women and children is deeply rooted in power imbalances that are reinforced by gender norms and stereotypes.'
(p2, State of Victoria, Royal Commission into Family Violence: Summary and recommendations, Parl Paper No 132 (2014–16).


'Stereotypes about men and women are reinforced through practices such as social tolerance of discrimination and the idea that violence against women is sometimes justified by women’s behaviour—for example, if a woman has sex with another man. Gender inequality is itself influenced by other forms of inequality such as race, disability, socio-economic status, geography and the impacts of colonisation. For this reason prevention efforts need to focus on these population-level risks, or root causes, in order to address the conditions in which violence against women can thrive.’
(p17, State of Victoria, Royal Commission into Family Violence: Report and recommendations Vol I, Parl Paper No 132 (2014–16).


As parents and teachers, we hold the keys to reducing gender inequality and consequently reducing family violence. For many of us, gender stereotyping is ingrained in the way we were brought up as children, and the way we act as adults. We do need to stop and think about the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) ways in which we promote gender stereotypes and actively work to change this.

To help with this, please use our posters (free to download, print and display):
- Tips on promoting Gender Equality in the Classroom
- We All Have A Job To Do (with included teaching notes PDF download)

You may also find our children’s books on Gender Equality useful:

If you are a woman, remember this...

shutterstock_1039315024_1500.jpg

This poem is dedicated to the young woman I met on the weekend.

Don’t say sorry before you speak. Just speak. What you have to say is important. 
Don’t say sorry because you are taking up space. It’s your space, you own it.
Don’t say sorry because you don’t want that drink he wants you to have.
Don’t say sorry because you want a night in not out.
Don’t say sorry because your boss screwed up, not you.
Don’t say sorry because you love dessert and no one else does. 
Don’t say sorry because your test results were higher than his.
Don’t say sorry because your body can’t do what others can do.
Don’t say sorry when a customer shouts at you.
Don’t say sorry when he wants sex and you don’t. 
Don’t say sorry for being a woman.

Jayneen Sanders

Jayneen Sanders is a mother, a teacher, an advocate for the prevention of child abuse, an advocate for gender equality, and the author of empowering children’s books including Who Am I? I Am Me!, No Difference Between Us, No Means No!, Pearl Fairweather, Pirate Captain, and Resilience.

Comment

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

In This Classroom You Are Loved

I am writing this blog to acknowledge, honour and thank all the wonderful teachers out there who are beginning the school year in the Northern Hemisphere, and all my fellow teachers who are working so hard to ensure kids are loved, safe and nurtured in the Southern Hemisphere.

Here’s what I know: a teacher can make all the difference to a child’s life. They can make a massive difference in a positive way, but conversely, they can leave a negative imprint as in the case of my own preschool teacher who stood my five-year-old self on a chair, in front of the whole class, and not only scolded me for being dumb but hit my legs with a ruler because I could not fold my kinder square into the origami shape she was modelling. I have never ever taught or attempted origami again (even though I lived in Japan for three years as a young woman) and it took some years to undo the 'dumb' tag.

That aside, when I was a beginning teacher in a small country town in Queensland, Australia during the early 80s, I had a young boy called John in my class. He was a beautiful boy — kind, helpful, friendly and tried his utmost to be the best he could be. His home life was not so brilliant. He came from a large family with very little means, and whom I suspect, tried their best for their children even though life was very difficult. John often came to school inadequately dressed for the climate and had an aura of neglect. But in our first year classroom of 25 kids, he was loved. He was part of a close-knit team. He was safe. He was valued and he was cared for. I had the privilege to set up a classroom where everyone was valued, everyone felt important and everyone had a voice. I had the opportunity to model kindness and compassion, and to reinforce these core human values to my students.

As teachers we can do this. We have the opportunity to set up a welcoming classroom environment. We can actually shape our students’ futures by how they see and value themselves. This is powerful. Never underestimate how important you are in your students’ lives and how important your classroom is to each and every little person (or big as in the case of teenagers) in it. Your classroom can be a safe haven from their ‘other’ lives where adversity and trauma may be ever present. Your classroom can be a nurturing place where each and every student feels loved and valued.

So, enjoy your year ahead and I’d like to personally thank you for being that one adult in a child’s life who really does care.

Jayneen Sanders (aka Jay Dale) is a teacher, author, mother of three and writes children’s books on Body SafetyGender EqualityConsentRespect and Social and Emotional Intelligence

Image from Resilience by Jayneen Sanders www.e2publishing.info

Resilience-pg20-21.jpg
Comment

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

Body Safety Hints for Tweens and Teenagers

shutterstock_45934162.jpg

You are growing up and your body is changing, but keeping yourself safe from harm is still the same as when you were younger. Remember YOUR body is YOUR body and no one has the right to touch it if you don’t want them to.

1. Don't allow a person to touch any part of your body or come inside your body boundary if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Speak your mind and tell them to STOP. Make a scene if necessary. Or tell a trusted adult if they won’t listen to you. No one has the right to touch you anywhere or come very close to you if YOU don’t want them to.

2. No one should ask to see your private parts, show you their private parts, ask you to touch their private parts or show you pictures of private parts. If they do, you need to get away quickly and tell a trusted adult straightaway. Asking you to do these things is NOT okay.

3. Giving your ‘consent’ means you have happily said ‘Yes’ to doing something, for example, you may say ‘Yes’ to holding hands or kissing. If some one tries to convince you and/or puts pressure on you to do a sexual act that you DO NOT want to do, this is NOT okay. Even if you feel like you can’t say ‘No’ to that person or you say ‘Maybe’ or ‘I’m not sure’ this does NOT mean ‘Yes’. What that person is doing is called ‘coercion’ and you need to tell a trusted adult straightaway. Remember you DO NOT have to do anything you don’t want to do. Your body is YOUR body!

4. If someone asks you to send them naked pictures of yourself, you do not have to do this. When you are under 18 it is actually against the law to send naked pictures to another person.

5. Do not disclose any personal information online or offline. This includes your address, school, phone number, etc. Make sure if you go out that a trusted adult knows where you are going.

6. When you are dating, both you and your partner need to be respectful of each other. Be wary of anyone who tries to control:

• what you do (they may read your texts or stalk you on social media or in life)

• what you say and/or

• where you go.

Violence (or the threat of violence) of any sort including intimidation, yelling and striking is NEVER okay. This is not respectful and this is NOT love.

7. When you are dating you ALWAYS have the right to change you mind. This may mean that you don’t want to date that person anymore. This may also include changing your mind and stopping a sexual activity that you may have agreed to in the past. Remember you have the right to change your mind at any time and this needs to be respected. When you say ‘No’ or ‘Stop’ the other person MUST stop.

8. Always trust your instincts. If you feel unsafe or a person makes you feel unsafe, act straightaway. Leave the situation and go to someone you trust and who makes you feel safe.

9. Remember you are NEVER EVER to blame if someone is disrespectful, violent, doesn’t listen to your wishes and/or tries to coerce you into something you don't want to do. All blame lies with that person. Never worry about making a scene. Be loud if you need to be to stop their actions. Never feel shameful or guilty because of another person's actions.

10. It is okay to go on dates and to flirt and to have fun. This does NOT mean you have agreed to any sexual contact. Remember when you say ‘No’ or you don’t say anything at all, this DOES NOT mean ‘Yes’. And even if you do say ‘Yes’ you can withdraw that consent at any time and change your mind. The person who is with you must respect your change of mind and stop.

It is important that you have a loud and strong voice. Remember it is your body and what you say goes!

Comment

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

Dismantling Rape Culture, a study by Katrina K. Pimentel

Dismantling Rape Culture, a study by Katrina K. Pimentel

In attaining her Doctorate of Education in Educational Leadership, Katrina focussed her dissertation on Dismantling Rape Culture, and was awarded the “Graduate with Distinction Award” at CSU Sacramento. We are humbled to have received recognition of our work within a vital dissection of cultural issues and solutions and even more humbled to have received permission from Katrina to share her dissertation with our own connections via our website.

Read More

10 Best Children’s Books to Help Kids with Anxiety

Here are ten fantastic books to help children understand, manage and overcome anxiety, worry and stress — providing through story, lessons and coping strategies that will stay with them as they grow up, facing the challenges that life throws at us.

1. How Big Are Your Worries Little Bear?
by Jayneen Sanders

Little Bear is a worrier. He worries about everything! But with Mama Bear’s help, he soon learns his worries are not so big after all.
Through this engaging and beautifully illustrated story, children will learn that everyday worries and fears can be overcome. It just takes a willingness to share with a helpful listener, and an understanding that making mistakes is how we learn.
Also included are helpful Discussion Questions for parents, caregivers and educators, and extra hints to help children manage anxiety.
Available in Australia from www.e2epublishing.info
and on Amazon for US [
http://amzn.to/2iniWZ9] and UK [http://amzn.to/2AWRgFg] customers

 

2. Hey Warrior!
by Karen Young

A fantastic book to help children understand what actually happens in their brain when they experience anxiety. Kids can do amazing things with the right information. Understanding why anxiety feels the way it does, and where the physical symptoms come from, is a powerful step in turning anxiety around. This book is an amazing resource for kids 5 years and above who feel anxious and overwhelmed by those feelings.
Available at http://www.heysigmund.com/product/hey-warrior/

 

3. The Huge Bag of Worries
by Virginia Ironside

Wherever Jenny goes, her worries follow her — in a big blue bag. They are there when she goes swimming, when she is watching TV, and even when she is in the lavatory. Jenny decides they will have to go. But who can help her? A great book to use with anxious children as it helps sort worries through and make them seem more manageable. It emphasizes that we all have worries and what to do about them.
Available on Amazon for US [http://amzn.to/2iWiqVY] and UK [http://amzn.to/2jhUVDM] customers

 

4. When My Worries Get too Big
by Kari Dunn Buron

More than any other issue, 'losing control' can cause major problems for children. Through the irresistible character of Nicholas, this book gives young children an opportunity to explore with parents or teachers their own feelings as they react to events in their daily lives while learning some useful relaxation techniques. Children who use the simple strategies presented in this charming book, illustrated by the author, will find themselves relaxed and ready to work or play.
Available on Amazon for US [http://amzn.to/2iWkhtU] and UK [http://amzn.to/2iUw7Vm] customers

 

5. What to Do When You Worry Too Much
by Dawn Huebner

"What to Do When You Worry Too Much" is an interactive self-help book designed to guide 6-12 year olds and their parents through the cognitive-behavioral techniques most often used in the treatment of generalized anxiety. Engaging, encouraging, and easy to follow, this book educates, motivates, and empowers children to work towards change. It includes a note to parents.
Available on Amazon for US [http://amzn.to/2kmUY4x] and UK [http://amzn.to/2iYJynm] customers

 

6. It's Okay to Make Mistakes
by Todd Parr

This book, suitable for younger children, embraces life's happy accidents, the mistakes and mess-ups that can lead to self-discovery. Todd Parr brings a timely theme to life with his signature bold, kid-friendly illustrations and a passion for making readers feel good about themselves, encouraging them to try new things, experiment, and dare to explore new paths.
Available on Amazon for US [http://amzn.to/2AtlK14] and UK [http://amzn.to/2ipKRrv] customers

 


7. Wilma Jean the Worry Machine
by Julia Cook

Everyone feels fear, worry and apprehension from time to time, but when these feelings prevent a person from doing what he/she wants and/or needs to do, anxiety becomes a disability. This fun and humorous book addresses the problem of anxiety in a way that relates to children of all ages. It offers creative strategies for parents and teachers to use that can lessen the severity of anxiety. The goal of the book is to give children the tools needed to feel more in control of their anxiety.
Available on Amazon for US [http://amzn.to/2ji0diC] and UK [http://amzn.to/2imynkq] customers

 

8. David and the Worry Beast
by Anne Marie Guanci

David could not stop thinking about the basket he had missed at the end of the big game. He was worried that he might do it again. He was worried that his team mates would be angry with him. He was worried that his parents would not be proud of him. He was also worried about an upcoming math test. In fact, David was worried a lot. " Luckily, David finally confided in his parents and school nurse, both of whom gave him support and techniques for controlling the "worry beast" within him.
Available on Amazon for US [http://amzn.to/2zRYbfc] and UK [http://amzn.to/2imyqN8] customers

 

9. When Worry Takes Hold
by Liz Haske

One night just before the lights went out, Worry snuck into Maya's mind. Worry grew bigger and bigger until there was no space left for anything else; just darkness and fear. Maya finally finds Courage, through the form of a calming breath, and learns how to break free from Worry's hold.
Available on Amazon for US [http://amzn.to/2inzAI9] and UK [http://amzn.to/2iXpvFR] customers

 

10.  100th Day Worries
by Margery Cuyler

When Jessica's teacher tells everyone in class to find 100 things to bring to school for their 100th day, Jessica starts to worry. She wants to bring something really good but what? 100 marshmallows? No, too sticky. 100 yo-yos? Nah, that's silly. When Jessica reaches the 99th day, she really starts to worry. She still doesn't know what to bring! This book explores general anxiety through the familiar scenario of school by providing the reader with helpful strategies to mange everyday worries.
Available on Amazon for US [http://amzn.to/2BLOjF9] and UK [http://amzn.to/2iXq02H] customers

 

For more great books and resources to empower children, see the complete range at http://www.e2epublishing.info/books

1 Comment

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

#NoMore #MeToo for the Next Generation

I say #NoMore #MeToo for the next generation. We can stop this! As active and engaged parents, caregivers, educators and health professionals we can help stop sexual assault, so our kids will grow into adulthood free from sexploitation, misogyny, gender inequality and sexual assault. How do we do this? We EDUCATE our kids — the next generation — from the day they are born.

LTA_FrontCov.jpg

Kids need to know:

1. that they have rights, a voice and body autonomy

2. that they have choices

3. what consent means in regards to giving it, asking for it and withdrawing consent at anytime

4. that ‘No Means No!’ It does not mean ‘maybe’ or ‘I’m not sure’

5. that all genders are equal

6. that gender stereotypes are out-dated and must be challenged

7. that respect for each other and our diversity is crucial for a cohesive world

8. that empathy, kindness and compassion need to be nurtured

9. that as humans we are more the same than we are different

10. that we need to stand up for others when they are unable to do so; we need to be that person that says, ‘Hey! That’s not right!’

Start educating kids from an early age. Provide age-appropriate and empowering books and resources that teach these values. Model what it means to be a true, caring, global citizen. We can do this. We need to do this. We must say #NoMore #MeToo for the next generation and ALL generations to follow.

Jayneen Sanders is a teacher, author, mother of three and writes children’s books on Body Safety, Gender Equality, Consent, Respect and Social and Emotional Intelligence

 

Comment

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

What does: to transition from one’s assigned gender at birth to another gender mean if we take away societal gender norms?

What does: to transition from one’s assigned gender at birth to another gender mean if we take away societal-imposed gender norms?

Warning! This article includes many questions; most unanswered as I grapple with what it is to be female or male.

Let’s have a closer look at the title question in terms of a child born with male genitalia transitioning to living and socializing as a female, and a child born with female genitalia transitioning to living and socializing as a male.

So here is my second question: What does it mean to be female and what does it mean to be male in a social context — ignoring the fact that both genders obviously differ physically?

My next question: When a person, assigned the gender male at birth, transitions to a female, what does that mean for that person? Do they now wear dresses, have long hair, paint their nails, and so on? But aren’t these just stereotypical societal gender norms of what it is to be female?

The dictionary says this about being female/feminine: “Feminine — having qualities or an appearance traditionally associated with women, especially delicacy and prettiness.”

This definition is out-dated and stereotypical of what it is to be a woman, and in my opinion very damaging and incredibly limiting to those who identify as female. Such a definition has been thrust upon the female population, along with society’s expectations of what it means to be female.

Similarly when a person, assigned the gender female at birth, transitions to a male, what does that mean for that person? Do they now wish to develop muscle definition, have short hair and wear ‘male’ apparel — again all societal gender norms inflicted upon our communities.

The dictionary says this about being male/masculine: “Masculine — having qualities or appearance traditionally associated with men, especially strength and aggressiveness.”

I have two issues here: as a mother of three daughters I struggle with the dictionary definition of what it is to be feminine both for my daughters and myself. I am not delicate nor pretty. My daughters are not delicate. We are ‘strong’ both physically and mentally, a word traditionally (or so says the online dictionary) associated with what it is to be male. And secondly, for a ‘trans person’ do they now need to fit into what societal gender norms dictate and take on the role of ‘pretty’ and ‘delicate’ in order to feel they have transitioned?

And furthermore, we have people who identify as neither gender — in some ways they may be free to act and behave in a way that is unique to them because they do not come with the ‘label’ of what it is to be female or male.

I was born with female genitalia and I label myself as female. But there it stops. I am simply a person, my own self. Surely I can be who I am, wear what I want and act in a way that is unique to me.

Here are my final questions: Is being gender fluid a way to reject societal gender norms and just be who you are? Or could it be that being gender fluid allows you the freedom to move between these norms?

As one wise Facebooker said:

 “If given the freedom to play/dress how they [kids] want we'd probably see more blurred lines... like tutu-wearing truck-loving boys and girls rocking dinosaur dresses while playing in the dirt. And those kids who did identify as different to what society says they are, wouldn't feel so shamed.”

That's surely a win I would say!

Jayneen Sanders is an author, teacher and publisher. All Jayneen’s books are published by Educate2Empower Publishing an award-winning niché children's book publisher who specializes in children's books on BODY SAFETY, CONSENT, GENDER EQUALITY and RESPECTFUL RELATIONSHIPS. Educate2Empower Publishing also provides free resources for parents, caregivers and educators on these important topics. For more information go to: www.e2epublishing.info  All Jayneen's books are available on Amazon.

 

2 Comments

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

Plea to Principals and Directors of Kindergartens — Teach Body Safety

Dear Principals of Elementary and Primary Schools, and Directors of Kindergartens

As a principal or director of a school or kindergarten, you are in a very powerful position to make a massive difference to the lives of the children in your care. Body Safety Education taught at your institution could literally change the course of a child’s life.

Firstly here are some *statistics (sources below). Did you know …

• 20% of girls and 8% of boys will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday. Think about this statistic in terms of a class of 30 kids at your school. That is approximately 3 girls and 1 boy will be sexually abused before 18.

• In 85 to 90% of cases, the sexual offender is known to the child. Child sexual abusers are in our homes, schools and communities. They are not only grooming children, they are grooming the adults who care for them.

• The most vulnerable age for children to be exposed to sexual assault is between 3 and 8 years. We need to start prevention education early!

• 1 in 3 adults would not believe a child if they disclosed sexual abuse. We not only need to educate our kids, we need to educate the community to believe a child’s disclosure.

• We know that in 98% of reported child sexual abuse cases, children’s disclosures were found to be true. Children do not lie about sexual abuse.

The tragic aftermath of child sexual abuse can have horrific and life-changing consequences. But what I want to tell you is that prevention education is actually incredibly easy. It is age-appropriate and empowering. Principals and directors such as yourselves and your staff have the ability to change the statistics I have quoted. Choosing to teach Body Safety Education to the children in your care can change outcomes for children.

If you are holding back because you are worried that parents won’t support this type of education, than I think you are wrong. In my experience, through social media and feedback from my work, parents are on board! With every second news story about historical child sexual abuse, this younger generation of parent is very keen for the past never to be repeated.

I know your curriculum is crowded but with simple professional development teachers can teach Body Safety; two, 30-minute lessons over five weeks is all it takes to impart this crucial knowledge to children. I know! I’ve done it in my own classroom.

Adults are 100% responsible for educating kids in Body Safety. And they are 100% responsible for educating themselves about child sexual abuse. Child sexual abusers are 100% responsible for sexually abusing a child.

We, as teachers, are in a privileged position to work with kids and help protect them. We can do this! Please don’t let our adult fear of this topic put our kids at risk. Our children are looking to us for protection. I am not a survivor of child sexual abuse. I am just a concerned teacher and parent who believes we can do so much more for our kids.

So next time you are at assembly and you see all those gorgeous faces looking up at you, please think about those statistics. And please implement a Body Safety program at your educational institution. Body Safety Education taught at your school or kindergarten could literally change the course of a child’s life. Please help me and other advocates like me. We are asking you to be as passionate about protecting children from child sexual abuse as we are. Please contact me through www.e2epublishing.info if you need more information.  

Regards

Jayneen Sanders

* 20% of girls and 8% of boys will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday. (Pereda, et al, 2009)

* In 85 to 90% of cases, the sexual offender was known to the child. (NSW Commission for Children & Young People, 2009)

* The most vulnerable age for children to be exposed to sexual assault is between 3 and 8 years. (Browne & Lynch, 1994)

* 1 in 3 adults would not believe a child if they disclosed sexual abuse. (Australian Childhood Foundation, 2010)

* We know that in 98% of reported child sexual assault cases, children’s disclosures were found to be true. (NSW Child protection Council, cited in Dympna House, 1998)

To download FREE Body Safety posters for your classroom go to www.e2epublishing.info/posters/

All Jayneen’s books are published by Educate2Empower Publishing an award-winning niché children's book publisher who specializes in children's books on BODY SAFETY, CONSENT, GENDER EQUALITY and RESPECTFUL RELATIONSHIPS. Educate2Empower Publishing also provides free resources for parents, caregivers and educators on these important topics. For more information go to: www.e2epublishing.info  All Jayneen's books are available on Amazon.

 

Comment

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

Making Our Kids Feel Guilty About Saying ‘No’ Is Never Okay

Here’s the thing… it is okay for our kids to say, ‘No’ to hugs and kisses. After all, a child’s body is their body and they are the boss of it.

So When Auntie Jeanie or Grandpa Bob comes in for that big smoochy kiss or that crushing bear hug, it is absolutely fine for your child to say, ‘No’.

In fact, both Auntie Jeanie and Grandpa Bob need to be educated in this space. They need to know that asking your child’s permission for a kiss or hug is a necessary requirement. It is not okay for the ‘said relatives’ to assume that they can just come on in to your child’s body space and take whatever affection they want. Consent is the key here! Adults, teenagers and other children need to ask for that hug or kiss, and if consent is not given, then ‘No’ does mean ‘No’, and this ‘No’ needs to be respected and adhered to.

Which brings me to another point, guilt. It is never okay to make a child feel guilty if they decide not to give their consent to various forms of affection. None of the old, ‘Poor Grandpa. He looks so sad.’ Or, ‘Just give Auntie Jeanie a little kiss. She has come all this way to see you.’ This kind of rhetoric is not okay. Not sharing your body does not warrant a guilt response. Girls, in particular, grow up feeling a sense of guilt about many things — guilty about being assertive (often termed ‘bossy’), guilty about being too loud, guilty about eating ice-cream, guilty about saying ‘No’ to that ‘nice boy’. Guilty about so many things! (BTW: please feel free to add incidences where you were made to feel guilty growing up, and even now as adult.)

When a child says, ‘No’ to a hug or a kiss from any person, let’s be clear about this, it is their right. They should never be made to feel guilty. This kind of ‘guilting’ has consequences as your child grows into a teenager and an adult. It can undermine their confidence and make them feel that when things go wrong it is their fault. As parents we want our children to feel empowered. We want them to be proud of who they are and that their decisions are respected. Saying ‘No’ is okay, and respecting that ‘No’ is crucial.

Jayneen Sanders is the author of the children’s book ‘No Means No’, and books for children on body safety, consent, gender equality, respectful relationships and emotional intelligence. For more information go to: www.e2epublishing.info All Jayneen's books are available on Amazon.

Comment

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

Don’t Tell Me I’m Pretty, Tell Me I’m Smart

‘Don’t tell me I’m pretty, tell me I’m smart … and funny, artistic, kind, loving, friendly, unique, strong, fierce and clever. I am so much more than pretty.’

When relatives or family friends are introduced to a young girl, they will often open the conversation with something like this ...  ‘Hello! You look pretty today. Your dress is beautiful.’

Don’t worry, we are all guilty of it; but by focusing only on a young girl’s physical appearance, what we are actually saying is this is what society values most about you.

It is important for us to shift our focus away from physical appearances towards the numerous qualities any young girl possesses. She needs to know and we all need to know she is so much more! So for all those relatives and friends out there who feel a little awkward and don’t actually know what to say to a young girl child, here are a few example conversations.

‘Hello! It’s so nice to meet you. What have you been doing today? Playing with Lego? That sounds like fun. You must be very good at building, can you show me?’

‘What games do you like? Which is your favorite? Why is this your favorite game?’

‘What books do you like to read? Why do you like those books? Can you read a book to me. Wow! You are such a great reader.’

‘You are so strong. Let’s try one more arm wrestle.’

‘I love your drawing. You are very talented. Can you tell me about your drawing?’

‘You make me laugh with your funny faces. You really are very funny! Let’s try another one!’

‘Do you want to play football with me? Great catch! You are very good at sports, aren’t you? What other sports do you like to play?’

‘What’s your favorite subject a school? Math! Great! Let’s do some adding up together. Wow! That was quick. You really are very clever.’

‘Who is your friend at kindergarten? What do you play? You must be such a good friend. You sound like you are very kind to each other.’

‘Can you show me some of your books? Look! A book on dinosaurs. I love dinosaurs too. Can you tell me everything you know about dinosaurs? You are really very smart! You know so much about dinosaurs!’

And on it goes! Of course, it is still absolutely fine to say to a young girl you look beautiful but remember it is only ONE aspect of her total self. A girl, and for that matter a woman, is so much more than just pretty.

Jayneen Sanders

All Jayneen’s books are published by Educate2Empower Publishing an award-winning niché children's book publisher who specializes in children's books on BODY SAFETY, CONSENT, GENDER EQUALITY and RESPECTFUL RELATIONSHIPS. Educate2Empower Publishing also provides free resources for parents, caregivers and educators on these important topics. For more information go to: www.e2epublishing.info  All Jayneen's books are available on Amazon.

Comment

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

Children's Books with a Difference

As a teacher, writer and mother I am devoted to the education of children. However, it is not their academic achievement that I am so focused upon. What is important to me, is that children:

• develop emotional and social intelligence

• are educated in age-appropriate Body Safety

• understand the terms ‘respect’ and ‘consent’

• know gender equality is non-negotiable.

These are the reasons why I write the children's books I do! Children are visual learners and what better way for them to talk about these important topics than through story.

I write both fiction and non-fiction texts, and my books are a hybrid of traditional children’s books with an educational thread. I always provide discussion questions for the adult reader to assist them in drawing out the child’s learning. Of course, some adults know exactly how to extend the conversation and embed the important message, but many are grateful for the scaffolding. A number of my books have child-centered questions on the page so the child can express how they interpreted the text and the illustrations, and the emotions they or the character may have felt. That way the child feels invested in the story and can share things that are also important to them. 

I am concerned that children are becoming less engaged with the people around them and more engaged with the technology that is so easily accessible. Empathy is about engaging with others. The research tells us empathy is a learned trait, and hence why I wrote my latest children’s book ‘You, Me and Empathy’. Teaching children to see the world from another person’s point of view is crucial to a kind, compassionate and empathetic society, and therefore, I believe teaching empathy from an early age is critical.

I am passionate about empowering children, and I am adamant there is a way to broach these challenging topics with children through well-crafted and engaging stories.

Jayneen Sanders

All Jayneen’s books are published by Educate2Empower Publishing an award-winning niché children's book publisher who specializes in children's books on BODY SAFETY, CONSENT, GENDER EQUALITY and RESPECTFUL RELATIONSHIPS. Educate2Empower Publishing also provides free resources for parents, carergivers and educators on these important topics. For more information go to: www.e2epublishing.info  All Jayneen's books are available on Amazon.

Comment

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

12 Confronting Child Sexual Abuse Statistics All Parents Need to Know

As a parent and an educator I find the statistics below both confronting and horrifying. However, they do highlight the reasons WHY we need to teach the children in our care Body Safety from the earliest of years. Such age-appropriate knowledge is empowering for children, and might well be the difference between a child becoming one of these statistics or not.

As an advocate for Body Safety Education in both homes and schools, I have heard many sad and crippling stories from adult survivors; but it’s this one shared comment that stays with me, “If only I had known from the first inappropriate touch it was wrong, my life could have been so different.”

I am not a survivor of childhood sexual abuse but I am a mother and teacher who believes we can do better by our kids. We need to put our adult fear of this topic aside, and take on the responsibility of educating our children so they know to tell, and keep on telling until they are believed. We also have a responsibility to educate ourselves so we know the signs of sexual abuse and grooming. Believing a child when they disclose sexual abuse is of the utmost importance, as is our reaction to the disclosure.

These statistics are a call to action for parents, carers and teachers everywhere — let’s educate ourselves and our kids in Body Safety, and like any good “ripple effect,” let’s educate others to do the same! I am asking you to play your part. Ironically, you may never know but your advocacy could positively change a child’s life forever.

1. Approximately 20 percent of girls (1 in 5) and 8 percent of boys (1 in 12.5) will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday (Pereda et al, 2009)

2. 95 percent of sexually abused children will be abused by someone they know and trust (NAPCAN 2009).

3. Of those molesting a child under six, 50 percent were family members. Family members also accounted for 23 percent of those abusing children 12 to 17 years (Snyder, 2000).

4. The most vulnerable age for children to be exposed to sexual assault is between 3 and 8 years with the majority of onset happening between these ages (Browne & Lynch, 1994).

5. Males made up 90 percent of adult child sexual assault perpetrators, while 3.9 percent of perpetrators were female, with a further 6 percent classified as ’unknown gender’ (McCloskey & Raphael, 2005).

6. As many of 40 percent of children who are sexually abused are abused by older, or more powerful children. (Finkelhor, 2012) Note: with the easy access to pornography we are seeing more and more cases of child on child sexual abuse, and older children/siblings sexually abusing younger children. Twenty-three percent of all 10 to 17 year olds experience exposure to unwanted pornography (Jones L., et al 2012).

7. Eighty-four percent of sexual victimization of children under 12 occurs in a residence (Snyder, 2000).

8. In 98 percent of child abuse cases reported to officials, children’s statements were found to be true (NSW Child Protection Council, cited in Dympna House 1998).

9. 1 in 3 adults would not believe a child if they disclosed sexual abuse (Australian Childhood Foundation, 2010).

10. Seventy-three percent of child victims do not tell anyone about the abuse for at least 1 year. Forty-five percent do not tell anyone for 5 years. Some never disclose (Broman-Fulks et al, 2007).

11. Survivors of childhood sexual abuse are 10 to 13 times more likely to attempt suicide. (Plunkett A, O’Toole B, Swanston H, Oates RK, Shrimpton S, Parkinson P 2001).

12. Children living without either parent (foster children) are 10 times more likely to be sexually abused than children who live with both biological parents. Children who live with a single parent that has a live-in partner are at the highest risk: they are 20 times more likely to be victims of sexual abuse than children living with both biological parents (Sedlack et al, 2010).

In my experience, children do not lie about sexual abuse and the research would indicate this. Please educate your child in Body Safety. I truly hope they may never need this knowledge but think of it as a safety belt — just in case.

We also know that children who are being sexually abused may first disclose to a friend. If that friend has been educated in Body Safety they will know to tell a trusted adult on their Safety Network. Educating children in Body Safety is in the best interests of all children.

If these statistics have raised any issues please, go to this links page. For more statistics and general information on child sexual abuse please visit Darkness to Light. To help get sexual abuse prevention education in all schools in the US please support Erin’s Law.

Free My Body Safety Rules poster to download for the children in your life.

Jayneen is the author of children’s books and a parent’s guide on Body Safety.

References

Australian Childhood Foundation (2010). Doing Nothing Hurts Children. Ringwood [Vic]: Australian Childhood Foundation.

Broman-Fulks, J. J., Ruggiero, K. J., Hanson, R. F., Smith, D. W., Resnick, H. S., Kilpatrick, D. G., & Saunders, B. E. (2007). Sexual assault disclosure in relation to adolescent mental health: Results from the National Survey of Adolescents. Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology, 36: 260 – 266

Browne, K. & Lynch, M. (1994). Prevention: Actions speak louder than words. Child Abuse Review, 3: 241-244.

Fergusson, D. M., & Mullen, P. E. (1999). Childhood sexual abuse: An evidence based perspective. Thousand Oaks: Sage Publications, Inc.

Finkelhor D. (2012) Characteristics of crimes against juveniles, Durham, NH: Crimes Against Children research Centre

Jones L., Mitchell K., Finkelhor D. (2012) Trends in youth victimization: findings from three youth internet safety surveys 2000-2010, Journal of Adolescent Health 50: 179-186

McCloskey KA, Raphael DN. Adult perpetrator gender asymmetries in child sexual assault victim selection: results from the 2000 National Incident-Based Report System. J Child Sex Abus. 2005;14(4):1-24.

New South Wales Child Protection Council, (1998). Managing Sex Offenders

Pereda, Guilera, Forns and Gomez-Benito (2009) The prevalence of child sexual abuse in community and student samples: a meta-analysis

Plunkett A, O’Toole B, Swanston H, Oates RK, Shrimpton S, Parkinson P. Suicide risk following child sexual abuse (2001)

Sedlak, A.J., Mettenburg, J., Basena, M., Petta, I., McPherson, K., Greene, A., and Li, S. (2010). Fourth National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect (NIS–4): Report to Congress, Executive Summary. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.

Snyder, H. N. (2000). Sexual assault of young children as reported to law enforcement: Victim, incident, and offender characteristics. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Program, Bureau of Justice Statistics.

Note: Every attempt has been made to locate all references and their links. Due to the nature of this research statistics will vary according to the individual and/or team’s research data.

First published in The Huffingtonpost.

 

2 Comments

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

What is Body Safety Education?

Body Safety Education (aka sexual abuse prevention education) aims to empower children with skills and knowledge that will lessen the likelihood of them becoming victims of childhood sexual abuse.

In summary, Body Safety Education teaches children:

  •  the correct names for their private body parts
  • the difference between safe and unsafe touch
  • not to keep secrets that make them feel bad/uncomfortable
  • what to do if they are touched inappropriately
  • general assertiveness — especially in relation to their own body.

For a more in-depth coverage of Body Safety Education go to Jayneen's book 'Body Safety Education: a parents' guide to protecting kids from sexual abuse'

This book is also on Amazon at http://amzn.to/2cC7QNb

 
Comment

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

Giving Kids a Voice at Xmas Time

shutterstock_65428288.jpg

Christmas is a crazy time of the year. Relatives and friends will be coming and going, things will become hectic, and your kids will be a huge part of this exciting mix. However, two very important things to consider before things get really busy, you’re distracted and the kids are off … somewhere!

1. Prior to the Christmas/holiday rush, discuss with your child how they might like to greet family and friends in a way that makes your child feel comfortable. Remember, it may have been years since they have seen people, or they may have never met some family members before. Now might be a good time to read or reread ‘No Means No!’ and have that conversation not only about greetings but consent and body boundaries. So when good old Uncle Joe rushes through the door with his arms out wide and your little one hesitates, support your child by allowing them to greet in a way they have chosen not Uncle Joe! It may be a high-five, a handshake or that great big hug, but it must be your child’s choice! After all, it is THEIR body and they are the boss of it!

2. In over 85% of child sexual abuse cases, the child knew the offender (NSW Commission for Children and Young people, 2009). Sexual predators are in our homes and communities. Fact. And they will use every opportunity to groom both you and your child. The holiday season allows predators easy access to children. Therefore, make sure you revisit Body Safety skills with your child. And if you haven’t educated them in Body Safety than now is most definitely the time.  Educating your child with these skills will lessen the likelihood of them being targeted and consquently being sexually abused. Now is also an ideal time to read or reread "My Body! What I say Goes!" . And by displaying the My Body Safety Rules poster in your house you are basically saying to any potential predators that your child is educated in Body Safety and that means they are educated to to TELL! (BTW this poster is free to download!)

Enjoy this wonderful festive season with your family and friends but keep your radar tuned, and ensure you have safety measures in place for your child — these include safety messages around consent and body autonomy. Our kids are relying on us to provide this information and help keep them safe.

Jayneen Sanders (aka Jay Dale) is a teacher, author, mother of three daughters and an active advocate for sexual abuse prevention education and respectful relationships to be taught both in the home and in schools.

For more information on this topic and Jay’s children's books 'Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept', 'Pearl Fairweather Pirate Captain', ‘No Means No!’, ‘My Body! What I say Goes!’, ‘No Difference Between Us’, and her parents’ guide ‘Body Safety Education — A parents’ guide to protecting kids from sexual abuse’ go to www.e2epublishing.info

All books are also available on Amazon at http://amzn.to/2cC7QNb

 
Comment

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.