Teaching Children Social and Emotional Intelligence — Books and Resources

On this page we have collated all of our resources specifically for teaching children Social and Emotional Intelligence. The resources include books, lesson plans, free posters and activities.

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Why teach Social and Emotional Intelligence? Learning to recognise how another is feeling, showing kindness, and taking the time to really listen, develops our ability to connect to one another in compassionate and meaningful ways. Teaching children strategies on how to cope with challenging situations will help their self-confidence as they grow into adulthood. 

A child who is encouraged to be socially and emotionally intelligent from an early age will grow to be a confident, thoughtful and caring person.


Free resources:

Posters

Activities/Worksheets

Blog articles

Shop: Books & Teaching Resources

You may also like our children’s book Let’s Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent & Respect (from our Body Safety & Consent books) which teaches children about body ownership, respectful relationships, feelings and emotions, choices and recognising bullying behaviours. Best suited for ages 4-10 years.




Customer note: We ship our products worldwide from Melbourne, Australia. Individual books (including some non-English versions) are also available to purchase from Amazon, which may provide more economic shipping cost to US, UK and other Northern Hemisphere locations.


The resources featured on this page are proudly produced by Educate2Empower Publishing.

Educate2Empower Publishing is an international award winning niché children's book publisher who specializes in children's books on Body Safety, Consent, Gender Equality, Respectful Relationships, and Social and Emotional Intelligence

Our books combine beautiful illustrations with key educational concepts capturing the child's imagination as well as teaching them messages crucial to their development and safety.

Empowering children through age-appropriate stories, activities, important lessons and skills, and the encouragement of communication and discussion. The books can also be used to help prevent or overcome bullying, whilst promoting mental health, equality and diversity. Ideal for use and purchase by anyone who cares for children, including parents, school/kindergarten teachers, social workers, psychologists, community health services, family support services, and many more!

15 Key Communication Skills for Students

The following communication skills may be helpful for students when discussing or debating ideas in a group situation.

Let everyone have a turn at speaking.

1. Allow everyone in the group a chance to speak and acknowledge what they said respectfully, e.g. “I hear and understand what you said and I agree/disagree. I think … because …”

Don’t make fun or discount another person’s ideas.

2. Speak about ideas and not about a person/s.

Listen to others when it’s their turn. Listening to other’s ideas is how we learn.

3. Do not dominate the conversation; allow each person a turn to speak.

Do not dominate the conversation; allow each person a turn to speak.

Do not dominate the conversation; allow each person a turn to speak.

4. Listen and don’t interrupt or talk over others, allowing each speaker to finish his/her point.

5. Listen with empathy, respect and courtesy, be mindful of others feelings/passions as they speak.

Take time to talk about and explore ideas.

6. Give those in the group time to think about and understand the discussion before moving on.

7. All speakers should try to keep to the point and focus on the topic at hand and not be distracted.

8. Be aware of your own biases.

9. Have an open mind to changing your stance if the evidence is clear.

10. Endeavor to build an understanding of the content and context of the debate.

11. If the aim of the group is to work towards a shared solution/outcome, be open-minded and flexible without compromising your values.

Ask questions of others.

12. Ask clarifying questions.

Don’t be afraid to speak up. Your voice matters.

13. Don’t be afraid to voice your opinion if it is in disagreement with the majority.

14. All voices count and all voices matter, be respectful of this.

Don’t take the argument with you.

15. Leave disagreements around the topic behind when leaving the room.


Jayneen Sanders (aka Jay Dale) is a teacher, author, mother of three and writes children’s books on Body SafetyGender EqualityConsentRespect and Social and Emotional Intelligence

All Jayneen’s books are available at www.e2epublishing.info and Amazon.

 

Comment

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

#NoMore #MeToo for the Next Generation

I say #NoMore #MeToo for the next generation. We can stop this! As active and engaged parents, caregivers, educators and health professionals we can help stop sexual assault, so our kids will grow into adulthood free from sexploitation, misogyny, gender inequality and sexual assault. How do we do this? We EDUCATE our kids — the next generation — from the day they are born.

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Kids need to know:

1. that they have rights, a voice and body autonomy

2. that they have choices

3. what consent means in regards to giving it, asking for it and withdrawing consent at anytime

4. that ‘No Means No!’ It does not mean ‘maybe’ or ‘I’m not sure’

5. that all genders are equal

6. that gender stereotypes are out-dated and must be challenged

7. that respect for each other and our diversity is crucial for a cohesive world

8. that empathy, kindness and compassion need to be nurtured

9. that as humans we are more the same than we are different

10. that we need to stand up for others when they are unable to do so; we need to be that person that says, ‘Hey! That’s not right!’

Start educating kids from an early age. Provide age-appropriate and empowering books and resources that teach these values. Model what it means to be a true, caring, global citizen. We can do this. We need to do this. We must say #NoMore #MeToo for the next generation and ALL generations to follow.

Jayneen Sanders is a teacher, author, mother of three and writes children’s books on Body Safety, Gender Equality, Consent, Respect and Social and Emotional Intelligence

 

Giving Kids a Voice at Christmas Time

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Christmas is a crazy time of the year. Relatives and friends will be coming and going, things will become hectic, and your kids will be a huge part of this exciting mix. However, two very important things to consider before things get really busy, you’re distracted and the kids are off … somewhere!

1. Prior to the Christmas/holiday rush, discuss with your child how they might like to greet family and friends in a way that makes your child feel comfortable. Remember, it may have been years since they have seen people, or they may have never met some family members before. Now might be a good time to read or reread ‘No Means No!’ and have that conversation not only about greetings but consent and body boundaries. So when good old Uncle Joe rushes through the door with his arms out wide and your little one hesitates, support your child by allowing them to greet in a way they have chosen not Uncle Joe! It may be a high-five, a handshake or that great big hug, but it must be your child’s choice! After all, it is THEIR body and they are the boss of it!

2. In over 85% of child sexual abuse cases, the child knew the offender (NSW Commission for Children and Young people, 2009). Sexual predators are in our homes and communities. Fact. And they will use every opportunity to groom both you and your child. The holiday season allows predators easy access to children. Therefore, make sure you revisit Body Safety skills with your child. And if you haven’t educated them in Body Safety than now is most definitely the time.  Educating your child with these skills will lessen the likelihood of them being targeted and consquently being sexually abused. Now is also an ideal time to read or reread "My Body! What I say Goes!" . And by displaying the My Body Safety Rules poster in your house you are basically saying to any potential predators that your child is educated in Body Safety and that means they are educated to to TELL! (BTW this poster is free to download!)

Enjoy this wonderful festive season with your family and friends but keep your radar tuned, and ensure you have safety measures in place for your child — these include safety messages around consent and body autonomy. Our kids are relying on us to provide this information and help keep them safe.

Jayneen Sanders (aka Jay Dale) is a teacher, author, mother of three daughters and an active advocate for sexual abuse prevention education and respectful relationships to be taught both in the home and in schools.

For more information on this topic and Jay’s children's books 'Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept', 'Pearl Fairweather Pirate Captain', ‘No Means No!’, ‘My Body! What I say Goes!’, ‘No Difference Between Us’, and her parents’ guide ‘Body Safety Education — A parents’ guide to protecting kids from sexual abuse’ go to www.e2epublishing.info

All books are also available on Amazon at http://amzn.to/2cC7QNb

 

Empowering Tweens, Teenage Girls and Young Women

As parents we want our girls to grow up confident, with an amazing sense of self-worth, a whole lot of resilience and respect for others and the world around them. In a world where gender inequality is still a major issue and sexual harassment of young girls is beginning younger and younger, we need empowered daughters. There is no easy fix for this, but as a mother of three young women here are a few suggestions.

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1. From a very young age educate your daughter to understand her body is her body, and that people must respect her personal body boundaries. This is her right.

2. Ensure you have an open dialogue with your daughter from a young age. Nothing should be off the table, including sex and pornography. That way if your daughter has any concerns she will feel comfortable to talk to you about them.

3. Self-confidence is key. Get your daughter into a sport or activity where she is valued and does relatively well. This will only increase her confidence and sense of self.

4. Feel confident about your own achievements. Never talk about yourself and/or your body in derogatory terms in front of your daughter. Remember our daughter’s are often listening (even we don’t think they are) and we are their role models.

5. As your daughter develops, sadly, she will encounter sexual harassment. How she copes with this will depend on the situation and the risk factors. I personally encourage my daughters to confidently walk away, call the male/s out on it if they feel safe to do so, tell a person in authority (if in the work place), tell me (when they were tweens and teenagers).

My estimate is that 99.9% of women have been sexually harassed in one form or another. We accept it, but it is actually UNACCEPTABLE. Men need to step up and STOP this practice. Men need to step up and CALL OUT other men who think they have a right to harass women. Parents need to educate their sons to respect women and that sexually harassing girls and women is never acceptable. Meanwhile … I hope the above points help your daughters in some small way!

 

written by Jayneen Sanders Copyright UpLoad Publishing

Jayneen Sanders (aka Jay Dale) is a teacher, author, mother of three daughters and an active advocate for sexual abuse prevention education and respectful relationships to be taught both in the home and in schools.

For more information on this topic and Jay’s children's books 'Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept', 'Pearl Fairweather Pirate Captain', ‘No Means No!’, ‘My Body! What I say Goes!’, ‘No Difference Between Us’, and her parents’ guide ‘Body Safety Education — A parents’ guide to protecting kids from sexual abuse’ go to www.e2epublishing.info

All books are also available on Amazon at http://amzn.to/2cC7QNb

Comment

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

Body Safety ‘What Ifs?’ for Kids

After children have been taught their Body Safety Rules, ask them these ‘What If?’ questions to reinforce the safety messages learnt.

What if?

What if someone asks to see your private parts?

You know: Your body belongs to you and your private parts are just for you.

Say: No! My private parts are just for me.

Action: Tell one of the adults on your *Safety Network straightaway. If they don’t believe you, tell another adult on your Safety Network.

 

What if?

What if a person tells you to keep a secret that makes you feel uncomfortable and unsafe?

You know: Secrets that make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe should NEVER be kept.

Say: I don’t keep secrets. I only keep happy surprises because they will be told.

Action: Tell one of the adults on your *Safety Network straightaway. If they don’t believe you, tell another adult on your Safety Network.

 

What if?

What if you feel any of your *Early Warning Signs in any situation?

You know: That this is your body letting you know something is not right.

Say: No! I don’t want to do that!

Action: Tell one of the adults on your *Safety Network straightaway. If they don’t believe you, tell another adult on your Safety Network.

 

What if?

What if someone shows you pictures on a phone, ipad or computer of adults, teenagers or children showing and/or touching their private parts.

You know: No-one should show you pictures of private parts. This is very wrong.

Say: No! Don’t show me those pictures! Kids should never see these kinds of pictures.

Action: Tell one of the adults on your *Safety Network straightaway. If they don’t believe you, tell another adult on your Safety Network.

 

What if?

What if someone tells you to play a ‘fun game’ where you both pull down your pants and show each other your private parts?

You know: Your body belongs to you and your private parts are just for you.

Say: No! My private parts are just for me.

Action: Tell one of the adults on your *Safety Network straightaway. If they don’t believe you, tell another adult on your Safety Network.

 

What if?

What if someone tells you (or sends you a message on a phone or computer) asking you to send pictures of your private parts?

You know: This is very wrong.

Say: No! This is wrong. Kids don’t do this. 

Action: Tell one of the adults on your *Safety Network straightaway. If they don’t believe you, tell another adult on your *Safety Network.

 

What if?

What if an adult, an older teenager or other kids start to make jokes about private parts?

You know: No-one should ever make jokes about private parts especially with kids.

Say: Stop! You should never joke about private parts with kids.

Action: Tell one of the adults on your *Safety Network straightaway. If they don’t believe you, tell another adult on your Safety Network.

 

 

What if?

What if children are playing around in the toilets (or playground) at school and trying to see other people’s private parts?

You know: Everyone’s body belongs to them and kids should not be trying to look at each other’s private parts.

Say: Stop! This is wrong. You are not allowed to look at other kids’ private parts.

Action: Tell one of the adults on your *Safety Network straightaway (usually your teacher or the teacher on duty). If they don’t believe you, tell another adult on your Safety Network.

 

*Safety Network: 3 to 5 adults that a child can trust and can tell anything to and know those adults will believe them.

*Early Warning Signs: when our body lets us know that we are scared or uncomfortable, i.e. we may have sweaty palms, sick tummy, shaky legs, heart racing, etc. Go to: www.e2epublishing.info/posters/ to download this free ‘Early Warning Signs’ poster to share with children.

written by Jayneen Sanders

Copyright UpLoad Publishing

Jayneen Sanders (aka Jay Dale) is a teacher, author, mother of three daughters and an active advocate for sexual abuse prevention education and respectful relationships to be taught both in the home and in schools.

For more information on this topic and Jay’s children's books 'Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept', 'Pearl Fairweather Pirate Captain', ‘No Means No!’, ‘My Body! What I say Goes!’, ‘No Difference Between Us’, and her parents’ guide ‘Body Safety Education — A parents’ guide to protecting kids from sexual abuse’ go to www.e2epublishing.info

All books are also available on Amazon at http://amzn.to/2cC7QNb

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comment

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

10 Top Tips to Empower Kids

As parents we want our kids to grow up confident, with an amazing sense of self-worth, a whole lot of resilience and respect for others and the world around them. As adults, we know persistence and tenacity are important traits when the going becomes tough. Children are a blank slate when they are born. It is a scary thought, but in the early years, children will become what adults tell them they are. I have seen this both as an educator and a mother. The child who is told they are stupid and worthless will believe that is what they are. A child who is nurtured to believe in him or herself, encouraged to take risks and is continually reinforced for their efforts with positive affirmations and respect, will most likely develop a strong belief in him or herself and their capabilities. And yes, as they grow, their peers and teachers will and do influence their sense of self, but we can only hope the positive foundations we have nurtured are solidly in place. Here are my top ten tips to empower kids so they can develop into confident, happy, respectful, well-adjusted and resilient teenagers and adults.

1. Give your child choice.

From a young age, allow your child to make decisions that directly relate to them. For example, allow them to choose between cereal or toast for breakfast; the red, pink, blue or green toothbrush; the orange T-shirt or the striped T-shirt. And dare I say it… allow them to choose their own outfits! Choice and voice go together. Allowing your child choice gives them a voice and therefore a say in what directly relates to them and their daily life.

2. Listen to your child.

Not only listen to your child’s voice but note their moods and listen for what is NOT being said. When you ask your child how they are after kindergarten or school, REALLY ask them how they are. Stop your busy life and engage with your child. Find out what may be upsetting them or what may being giving them loads of joy. Ensure nothing is off the table and ensure you child can tell you or ask you about anything. And if you child doesn’t like some-one or doesn’t wish to go with a certain person, listen. I don't wish to scare you unnecessarily but this is one of the signs a child may indirectly provide if they are being sexually abused.

3. Teach your child Body Safety.

There is nothing more empowering than teaching your child Body Safety Education from as young as two. Providing children with knowledge about their personal boundaries and their rights, especially in regards to their body is incredibly empowering. A child educated in Body Safety knows to tell, tell, tell if they are touched inappropriately, and is far less likely to be a victim of a sexual predator. Pedophiles rely on children keeping secrets and not knowing the sexual touch is wrong. An educated child who knows to tell is their worst nightmare! See my parents’ guide: ‘Body safety Education — a parents’ guide to protecting kids from sexual abuse’ to educate both yourself and your child. We can’t always be with our children, for example, when they are on a sleepover or scout camp, but we can provide ‘a safety belt’ so to speak through teaching them Body Safety Education! See also my children’s book ‘Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept’ which is a great tool to open up the discussion about safe and unsafe touch.

4. Allow your child to take risks.

I know it’s scary but sometimes we have to trust our kids and allow them to take some risks. Try to stop yourself reaching out, and trust your child to climb that tree, go down that big slide and swim a lap alone. (Believe me, it is really hard to not say a word when your 21-year-old daughter decides to travel the world alone starting with a one-way ticket to Istanbul!) On that point, a friend of mine restricted her children from doing so many physical things that now, the youngest in particular, is fearful to do anything, and this has translated into adulthood. Hold yourself back, not your child, and allow them to explore their world.

5. Use your words wisely.

Encourage your child’s endeavours with words such clever, smart, beautiful inside and out, creative, talented, etc. Particularly amongst young girls, I suggest you do not continually focus on their physical appearance and focus more on their talents and creative pursuits. And if an argument ensues as they always do, remember what has been said can’t be unsaid. As one wise person said to me — choose your battles wisely as words can and do hurt. On a personal note, every night when my girls were younger, I would kiss them good night and I would whisper something positive from the day such as, ‘I really loved how you tried so hard in netball today. You always make me proud.’ Going to sleep with such a positive thought ringing in your ears can only be empowering!

6. Encourage your child to follow their interests.

Your child’s interests may not always be your interests but if your son or daughter loves to dance or play football for example, than be as supportive and encouraging as you can. I know! This should go without saying!

7. Allow your child to greet others in a way they are comfortable with.

When greeting relatives, in particular, and your child doesn’t want to kiss Uncle Jo or Grandma than allow your child to choose a high five, blow a kiss or provide a hand-shake. Just because your child is a child doesn’t mean they should be forced to show affection. This only gives them the message that their wishes don’t matter. Your child should give hugs and kisses willingly, and all adults and other children need to respect this. See my children’s book ‘No Means No!’ which is on this very topic!

8. Discourage gender stereotyping.

Ensure your child believes he or she can be and do anything they set their heart to. There are no set roles for men and women! Believe in your child. There are no limits. Discourage gender stereotyping and do no become a party to the media’s continual bombardment.

9.  Encourage perseverance.

Life is not always easy, so encourage your child to try and keep on trying until they succeed or come close to it! I must admit I am a bit of a trier and it has held me in good stead!

10. Teach your child the ‘pirate stance’!

This a fun activity but actual an empowering one! Have your child stand for 30 seconds every second day (or so) like a pirate. Have your child place their hands on their hips, their legs slightly apart and their shoulders back. Research tells us this stance is incredibly empowering; particularly for girls. Give it a try yourself!

Bottom line is… the most empowering thing you can do as a parent for you child is to trust them, show respect and to encourage them in all they choose to do!

Jayneen Sanders (aka Jay Dale) is a teacher, author, mother of three daughters and an active advocate for sexual abuse prevention education and respectful relationships to be taught both in the home and in schools.

For more information on this topic and Jay’s children's books 'Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept', 'Pearl Fairweather Pirate Captain', ‘No Means No!’, ‘My Body! What I say Goes!’, ‘No Difference Between Us’, and her parents’ guide ‘Body Safety Education — A parents’ guide to protecting kids from sexual abuse’ go to www.e2epublishing.info

All books are also available on Amazon at http://amzn.to/2cC7QNb

A Teenage Girl's Guide to Empowerment

1. Embrace your uniqueness and ignore anyone who tries to shame or bully you about your appearance. We all have a body and each body is different. Love yourself.

2. Do not slut-shame* other girls. Support each other. Women face many expectations from a male-dominated society. Lift each other up to fight gender inequality.

3. Pornography is not real. It is not what a loving respectful relationship looks like. What you may have seen are two or more actors. Even though the woman appears to enjoy sex that objectifies and degrades her, in real-life this most likely is not the case.

4. A loving relationship is where two people enjoy time together and BOTH enjoy sex that is mutually respectful.

5. You do not have to perform sexual acts that make you feel uncomfortable. You have the right to say, ‘No’ at ANYTIME. The other person needs to STOP immediately.

6. Yes means yes! When you do want to have sex and it is mutually respectful, enjoy!

7. Oral sex is sex.

8. Masturbation should be absolutely guilt free. It’s your body!

9. You do not have to post or send naked selfies of yourself to anyone. No-one has the right to pressure you into doing this. If they do, than seriously question their motivation.

10. Mutual, respectful sex is about you enjoying sex also, not just your partner.

11. Verbal, physical and psychological violence is NEVER okay.

12. Listed are some great organizations where you can gain more information.

     The Line: http://www.theline.org.au

     Kids Helpline: https://kidshelpline.com.au

     Our Watch: http://www.ourwatch.org.au

     Headspace: https://www.headspace.org.au

 

*slut-shaming : also known as slut-bashing, is the idea of shaming and/or attacking a woman or a girl for being sexual, having one or more sexual partners, acknowledging sexual feelings, and/or acting on sexual feelings

by Jayneen Sanders

[copyright] Educate2Empower Publishing: www.e2epublishing.info

Comment

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

Tips to Promote Gender Equality in Your Classroom

As classroom teachers we have an ideal opportunity to encourage gender equality and respectful relationships in our classroom through very simple but effective practices. Research tells us in order to reduce gender-based violence we need to teach these skills to children from the earliest of years. Our differences make us unique but it is our ‘sameness’ that makes us human. The message we have the opportunity to promote in our classroom is that no matter what gender we are, we all have hopes and dreams, and we all need to treat each other with respect and dignity. No gender is ‘better’ than the other or more ‘powerful’. Every person has the right to meet their full potential. By setting up a more ‘gender-neutral’ classroom we are at the forefront of breaking down social norms that promote gender inequality and gender-based violence.

1. Use gender-neutral language when referring to children, e.g. instead of saying, ‘Choose a boy to go with you’; say, ‘Choose a friend to go with you’. Similarly, avoid organizing children according to gender, e.g. ‘Boys line up here and girls here.’ This only reinforces gender segregation.  

2. Avoid stereotyping children, e.g. boys are noisy and loud, girls are calm and sweet; boys show less emotion and girls cry more readily. Note that these often-subconscious assumptions will affect your behavior and expectations towards the children.

3. Self-regulate your own interaction with the children. We tend to comfort girls more and send boys on their way earlier. Encourage all children to share feelings and emotions equally.

4. Jumble together all the dress-ups, toys, games, blocks, etc. so all genders have an equal opportunity to use the equipment rather than the girls traditionally drifting towards the dress-ups and the boys towards the blocks.  

5.  Provide a wide range of diverse stories about the genders in non-stereotyped roles. If such books are limited, change ‘he’ to ‘she’ in some books so the girls have a leadership role.

6. When reading books where typically the tiger or bear is a ‘him’ and the butterfly or bird is a ‘she’, change the gender around. Alternatively, use the gender-neutral term, ‘shim’ or ‘hen’.

7. Try not to assign classroom tasks that traditionally relate to a specific gender, e.g. boys moving desks or taking out the bins, while girls are asked to tidy up the dress-up corner.

8. Some children will come to school with preconceived ideas about gender. If a child does say, for example, ‘Marnie can’t play because it's a boy’s game.’ Use that as a ‘teachable moment’ and unpack how the comment made Marnie feel, and why you don’t have any gender-specific tasks in the classroom.

9. Ask children to draw their idea of a fire-fighter, police officer and nurse. Then invite a female fire-fighter and police officer, and a male nurse into the classroom. Invite them to talk about their jobs and unpack the children’s drawings and expectations about the visitors. Always use non-gender specific terms when referring to occupations, e.g. chairperson, flight attendant.

10. Encourage the school staff to devise a gender-equality policy that promotes gender-neutral language and encourages non-traditional gender roles and activities.

11. Hold a parent night to unpack your classroom/school’s policy on gender equality and the use of gender-neutral language. Many parents will find this challenging so it is best to explain the reason behind the decision, i.e. all genders have the right to equal opportunities.

12. Be inclusive of a child/children who identifies as another gender to the one they were assigned at birth. Refer to the child in the gender they prefer. Your modelling of how this child is included and referred to will be paramount to the attitudes of the other children and their families.  

Finally, as teachers we have an amazing opportunity to model gender equality in our classrooms. We are preparing children for a changing world where traditional ways of thinking about male and female roles will no longer exist. The use of gender-specific language is most often bias towards masculine words, which only reinforces gender stereotyping and a gender-power imbalance. Therefore, the language the children hear in our classrooms and the opportunities they are presented with will affect their interests, activities and eventually careers. In years to come, I hope that ensuring we have a classroom where gender equality is promoted is no longer needed—simply because gender inequality no longer exists!  

 

Jayneen Sanders (aka Jay Dale) is a teacher, author, mother of three daughters and an active advocate for sexual abuse prevention education and respectful relationships to be taught both in the home and in schools.

For more information on this topic and Jay’s children's books go to e2epublishing.info

All books are also available on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=jayneen+sanders

 

Comment

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

A DUMMIES’ Guide for Teenage Boys in How to Respect Girls

1. Treat girls as human because that is what they are. They breathe and they have feelings. Your words and actions can cause lasting damage. Think before you speak and act.

2. No slut-shaming*. Girls have the right to wear whatever they like without fear of being sexually assaulted. What they are wearing or the fact that they enjoy sex is not an invitation for you to make unwanted sexual advances or speak about or to a girl in slut-shaming terms.

3. When a girl says ‘NO’ to anything she means ‘NO!’ She does not mean ‘maybe’ or ‘I’m not sure’. Girls can say ‘NO’ at any time during sexual contact. This means you STOP immediately.

4. Girls are equal to you in brain power. In fact, many will exceed you. This may be news to you but they can also be physically stronger than you. They can also be better at sport.

5. Many girls love to have fun and party. This does not mean you can come onto them (make sexual advances) when they are drunk or high. In fact, this is a good time to look out for them as you would any human in a similar situation.

6. Girls are not here on this earth for your pleasure. They are not sexual objects. It may be news to you but they do not like cat-calling*, gossiping with others about their bodies or appearance, being stared at while going about their daily routines.

7. Pornography is not real. It is not what a loving respectful relationship looks like. What you may have seen are two or more actors. Even though the woman appears to enjoy sex that objectifies and degrades her, in real-life this most likely is not the case. A loving relationship is where two people enjoy time together and both enjoy sex that is mutually respectful.

8. Do not tell a girl you love/like her, get her to take a naked selfie and then post it on the internet so you look impressive to your friends. I repeat, DO NOT do this despicable and illegal act.

9. Do not take pictures of girls without their permission. Do not post such pictures on the internet. I repeat, DO NOT do this despicable and illegal act.

10. Lastly, be a kind, good human being to all other human beings this includes girls.

Educators/carers please unpack each point with teenagers. Ask, ‘What does this mean?’

*slut-shaming : also known as slut-bashing, is the idea of shaming and/or attacking a woman or a girl for being sexual, having one or more sexual partners, acknowledging sexual feelings, and/or acting on sexual feelings

*cat-calling: a loud whistle or a comment of a sexual nature made by a man to a passing woman

written by Jayneen Sanders www.e2epublishing.info

Copyright Educate2Empower Publishing   

 

3 Comments

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

Dear Mothers and Fathers of Boys

As a mother of girls in 2016 I have the following requests — especially as my daughters are now young women.

Please teach your sons the following as they grow into manhood.

1. Teach your sons, from a very young age, that girls are not here on this earth for them. For example, they cannot simply take hold of a girl’s hand during kindergarten story-time or chase her around trying to ‘steal kisses’. If your son wishes to hold a little girl’s hand, he will need to ask. For example, ‘Please, may I hold you hand?’ If she says, ‘Yes’, then he can hold her hand for as long as she remains consensual. If she says, ‘No’; then your son needs to understand that ‘No’ means 'No'. It does not mean, ‘You can follow me around until I give in.' It does not mean, ‘Maybe. Keep trying.’ And it certainly does not mean, ‘Yes.' Teach your sons that ‘No' means 'No’ whether you are a child, a teenager or an adult.

2. Teach your sons to respect girls/women of all ages. Sorry! Let me qualify that! Teach your sons to respect any and all genders of all ages. Respect is every human being’s right. People can be white, blue, green or black; they can be gay, transgender, heterosexual or identify as no gender. They can be of any religion or atheist. Respect is key to this world being a tolerate and peaceful planet. Teach your sons to respect all voices, and to listen and learn.

3. Teach your sons that the pornography they are viewing online is not consensual sex. It is not how healthy and loving relationships go. Teach your sons that most young women don’t want to be treated abusively, and be physically and mentally humiliated as portrayed in pornographic videos and images. Teach your sons that this is a multi-billion dollar industry and what they are seeing is not real. Teach your sons that a healthy relationship is one of respect and mutual consent. It also involves friendship and humour. Note: your sons WILL see pornography. Research tells us 99% of 16 year old boys have viewed pornography.

http://www.theage.com.au/technology/technology-news/children-becoming-addicted-to-internet-porn-20121025-287ni.html

4. Teach your sons not to comment (and/or imply through body language) on a girl’s/woman’s physical appearance unless to compliment with sincerity. Women have enough to contend with re the media’s portrayal of beauty; they do not need your sons adding to that.

5. Teach your sons not to shout and 'cat call' to women/girls on the street or anywhere else. Women DON'T like it. They do not find it complimentary. My daughter and her friends did not enjoy, as they walked down a city street, being called ‘sluts, whores and slags’ simply because they ignored the catcalling of a group of boys roaring around in an expensive car. These boys obviously felt they had the right to be abusive. Sadly, my daughter and her friends had no choice but to put up with it and try not to let the words embed. This angers me greatly that these young women were subjected to foul verbal abuse simply because of their gender.

6. And this one is for all my daughters. Teach your sons they don’t have the right to say, ‘My God! You are tall! Are you a giant?’ My daughters don’t say to your sons, ‘My God! You are short! Are you a dwarf?’ They have been raised to respect the difference between human beings, and to not comment upon it.

7. Teach your sons that the girls/women they come in contact with have hopes and dreams just as they do. Girls will want to reach for the stars and your sons need to applaud their achievements (that may well exceed their own) rather than be threatened by them.

8. Teach your sons that they can’t always 'fix' their partner’s problems. Sometimes their partner may just need to he held and supported. Men so often want to be ‘fixers’. Sometimes they just need to ‘hear’ their partner and hold them close.

9. Teach your sons that the world can be an amazing place if they partner with girls/women on an even footing with each individual contributing their talents unreservedly. Teach your sons to be feminists, as in the old-fashion sense of the 80’s, i.e ‘gender equality’; and this world will be a far richer, fairer and more espectful place.

 

Jayneen Sanders (aka Jay Dale) is a teacher, author, mother of three daughters and an active advocate for sexual abuse prevention education to be taught both in the home and in schools.

For more information on this topic and Jay’s children's books 'Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept', 'Pearl Fairweather Pirate Captain', ‘No Means No!’ and her parents’ guide ‘Body Safety Education — A parents’ guide to protecting kids from sexual abuse’ go to e2epublishing.info

All books are also available on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Jayneen-Sanders/e/B00BDCGZ1W/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1

'Body Safety Education — A parents' guide to protecting kids from sexual abuse' is now available at: http://somesecrets.info/buy-body-safety-education/

 

Comment

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

Protect Your Child from Sexual Abuse

http://somesecrets.info/blog/2014/5/9/protect-your-child-from-sexual-abuse

The statistics on the sexual abuse of children are staggering. Some estimates place the incidence as high as 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before their 18th birthday (Aust. Institute of Criminology, 1993).  As parents, teachers and community members, what can we do to ensure both our children and children we come in contact with are protected, informed and safe? These 4 key points are crucial.

1. Education

Learn how to protect your child from sexual abuse by educating them in Body Safety, and educating yourself and your community.

2. Awareness

Become aware of the statistics surrounding child sexual abuse and grooming techniques used by pedophiles.

3. Know the Signs

Understand and recognize the signs of child sexual abuse.

4. Believe a Child

Believe a child when they disclosure sexual abuse—it is paramount for their future recovery and healing.

1. Education

Teaching Your Child Body Safety

The most vulnerable age for children to be exposed to sexual abuse is between 3 and 8 years with the majority of onset happening between these ages (Browne & Lynch, 1994). We teach road safety and we teach water safety—it is imperative we teach children Body Safety. If you are concerned about teaching your child these skills, just keep in mind they are age-appropriate, non-graphic, and they also encourage your child to be assertive—a crucial skill in any bullying situation, and a great attribute to have when your child becomes a teenager!

  1. As soon as your child begins to talk and is aware of their body parts, begin to name them correctly, e.g. toes, nose, eyes, etc. Children should also know the correct names for their genitals from a young age. Try not to use ‘pet names’. This way, if a child is touched inappropriately, they can clearly state to you or a trusted adult where they have been touched.

  2. Teach your child that their penis, vagina, bottom, breasts and nipples are called their ‘private parts’ and that these are their body parts that go under their swimsuit. Note: a child’s mouth is also known as a ‘private zone’.

  3. Teach your child that no-one has the right to touch or ask to see their private parts, and if someone does, they must tell you or a trusted adult straightaway. Reinforce that they must keep on telling until they are believed. (Statistics tell us that a child will need to tell three people before they are believed.) As your child becomes older (3+) help them to identify five trusted adults they could tell. These people are part of their ‘safety network’. Have your child point to each digit on their hand and say the names of the people on their 'safety network'. Note: at least one person on their 'safety network' should not NOT be a fmaily memeber.

  4. Teach you child that if some-one (i.e. the perpetrator) asks them to touch their own private parts, shows their private parts to the child or shows them images of private parts that this is wrong also, and that they must tell a trusted adult straightaway. Reinforce that they must keep on telling until they are believed.

  5. At the same time as you are discussing inappropriate touch, talk about feelings. Discuss what it feels like to be happy, sad, angry, excited, etc. Encourage your child in daily activities to talk about their feelings, e.g. ‘I felt really sad when … pushed me over.’ This way your child will be more able to verbalize how they are feeling if some-one does touch them inappropriately.

  6. Talk with your child about feeling ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’. Discuss times when your child might feel ‘unsafe’, e.g. being pushed down a steep slide; or ‘safe’, e.g. snuggled up on the couch reading a book with you. Children need to understand the different emotions that come with feeling ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’. For example, when feeling ‘safe’, they may feel happy and have a warm feeling inside; when feeling ‘unsafe’ they may feel scared and have a sick feeling in their tummy.

  7. Discuss with your child their ‘early warning signs’ when feeling unsafe, i.e. heart racing, feeling sick in the tummy, sweaty palms, feeling like crying. Let them come up with some ideas of their own. Tell your child that they must tell you if any of their ‘early warning signs’ happen in any situation. Reinforce that you will always believe them and that they can tell you anything.

  8. As your child grows, try as much as possible to discourage the keeping of secrets. Talk about happy surprises such as not telling Granny about her surprise birthday party and ‘bad’ secrets such as someone touching your private parts. Make sure your child knows that if someone does ask them to keep an inappropriate secret that they must tell you or someone in their ‘safety network’ straightaway.

  9. Discuss with your child when it is appropriate for someone to touch their private parts, e.g. a doctor when they are sick (but making sure they know you must be in the room). Discuss with your child that if someone does touch their private parts (without you there) that they have the right to say: ‘No!’ or ‘Stop!’ and outstretch their arm and hand. Children (from a very young age) need to know their body is their body and no-one has the right to touch it inappropriately.

  10. Read your child ‘Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept’ on a monthly to two monthly basis when your child is young. The book can be read and reread to children 3 to 12 years. It is also ideal to read before camps, sleepovers, etc. Go to www.somesecrets.info for more information and purchasing details. Also teach your child ‘The Body Safety Song’ at http://somesecrets.info/body-safety-song/

Lastly, sexual abuse prevention education is not only a parent’s responsibly, it is also the community’s responsibility. Ask your child’s kindergarten or elementary school if they are running such a program. If they are not, ask why not. And PLEASE lobby for it. Remind them that sexual abuse is irreversible but it can be preventable.  

2. Awareness

Statistics tell us that 95% of sexually abused children will know their perpetrator (Child Protection Council, 1993). They will be an immediate family member, a close family friend or some-one the child has regular contact with.

Grooming

  • Be aware of any person who wishes to spend a great deal of time with your child, seeking out their company and offering to take care of them at any time. For example, an abuser will often ‘help out’ the targeted family at short notice, appearing as a reliable and trustworthy friend. This is the persona a pedophile will go to great lengths to establish.

  • Be aware of any person who pays special attention to your child, making them feel more special than any other child; providing them with special treats, presents, sweets, etc. These ‘treats’ may be provided without your knowledge, and be the first of your child’s secrets they are being groomed to keep.

  • Be aware of any person who spends a large percentage of their out-of-hours recreation time with children—often without other adults present or preferring to be ‘alone’ with the children.

In saying the above, of course we want our children to spend quality and loving time with the special adults in their lives. However, it is important we stay alert.

Important Things to Know About Pedophiles

  • Pedophiles can be any person in the community and from any social democratic. They can be single, married and have families of their own. Up to 95% of child sexual abusers are male (Bagley, 1995).

  • 1/3 of reported offenses are committed by adolescents (Bagley, 1995) and increasingly a childcan be abused by another child slightly older than themselves.

  • Children who live with a single parent that has a live-in partner are at the highest risk: they are 20 times more likely to be victims of sexual abuse than children living with both biological parents (Sedlack et al, 2010). However, children living with both biological parents or in foster care can be targeted.

  • Pedophiles plan their abuse in detail, sometimes over years—grooming both the victim and their family by portraying the persona of a friendly, helpful and reliable person.

  • Pedophiles will actively encourage the targeted child to keep secrets. The secret at first may not be of a sexual nature. These ‘fun’ secrets are intended to build up a sense that the abuser and the child have a ‘special’ relationship.

  • Pedophiles convince the victim that the abuse is normal and love-based. They will use 'guilt’ and ‘blaming’ techniques to coerce the child into believing that they are an equal participant in the ‘shameful’ secret, and therefore are equally too blame. The child can be so ‘guilt ridden’ they may never disclose.

  • Pedophiles use threats and bribes to ensure the child keeps the secret. ‘Keeping the secret’ is of extreme importance to the offender — if the child does tell, the consequences for the offender are catastrophic. Therefore, they will use whatever means they can to ensure the child never tells. This includes subtly discrediting the child by making them out to be a liar—so if they ever do disclose, they won’t be believed.

3. Become Alert

Note: one or more of these indicators does not mean your child is being sexually abused, but if they do show some of these indicators, then there is good reason to investigate further.

General Signs of Sexual Abuse (0 to 12 years):

  • overly interested in theirs or other’s genitals

  • continually wants to touch private parts of other children

  • Instigating and/or forcing ‘sex play’ with another child (often younger, more than 3 years difference in age)

  • sex play that is not appropriate i.e. oral genital contact between a 7 year old and a 4 year old (note: with the increase in pornography viewing on the internet by young children, sex play is becoming more worrisome among similar-aged children)

  • sex play with another child happening more than three times, despite careful monitoring and discussion about inappropriateness

  • persistent masturbation that does not cease when told to stop

  • seductive/advanced sexual behaviour

  • sexualized play with dolls or toys

  • sexualized play involving forced penetration of objects vaginally or anally

  • chronic peeping, exposing and obscenities

  • touching or rubbing against the genitals of adults or children that they do not know

  • persistent use of ‘dirty’ words

  • describing sexual acts and sexualized behavior beyond their years

  • drawings and/or games that involve inappropriate sexual activities

  • strong body odor

  • sores around the mouth

  • bruising or bleeding in the genital area; bruising to breasts, buttocks, lower abdomen or thighs

  • withdrawn and anxious behavior (irritable, clingy, listless)

  • secretive or say they have a ‘special’ secret that can’t tell (this may be to gauge your reaction)

  • child or child’s friend telling you about interference directly or indirectly

  • going to bed fully clothed

  • increase in nightmares and sleep disturbances

  • regressive behavior, e.g. a return to bed-wetting or soiling

  • sudden changes in behavior, e.g. from a happy child to an angry and/or defiant child

  • appetite changes (sudden and significant)

  • unexplained accumulation of money and gifts

  • not wanting to go to a certain person’s place or to an activity

  • indirectly dropping hints about the abuse (again, to gauge your reaction).

In Older Children (Adolescents):

Note: they may also display some of the above indicators

  • self-destructive behavior such as drug dependency, suicide attempts, self-mutilation

  • eating disorders

  • adolescent pregnancy

  • persistent running away from home and/or refusal to attend school

  • withdrawn, angry

  • saying that their body is dirty, ruin, damaged

  • pornography interest; verbally sexually aggressive obscenities

4. Believe a Child

I cannot reinforce strongly enough how important it is to believe a child if they disclose sexual abuse. In 98% of reported child sexual abuse cases, children’s statements were found to be true (NSW Child Protection Council, Cited In Dympna House, 1998). Our reaction to a child’s disclosure is crucial to their ongoing well-being and healing. It we react with disbelief, they may never tell again and their suffering will only increase. It we react with shock, horror and/or anger, the child will most certainly take their cues from us, and believe that in some way they are to blame. It takes an enormous amount of courage for a child (or adult) to disclose sexual abuse that may have been ongoing for years. They will, no doubt, have been threatened with horrific consequences were they to tell. To find the bravery to overcome such threats, is a true act of courage. But what a child needs more than anything from the person they disclose to—be it a parent, relative, teacher or friend—is compassionate reassurance. Therefore, stay calm and:

  • reassure the child you believe them

  • reassure the child they have done the right thing in telling

  • reassure the child that they are incredibly brave and courageous

  • reassure the child that they are in NO way to blame

  • reassure the child that they are loved

  • reassure the child that they are safe and will be looked after

  • reassure the child that you will do everything you can to stop the abuse.

It is our responsibility and duty of care to the child, to remain calm as well as receptive and compassionate, once the child begins to disclose. If they disclose amongst a group, take the child aside and find a safe place for them to continue. A disclosure from any sexual abuse victim takes an enormous amount of courage—so please, as the trusted recipient, respond to such bravery with kindness and compassion.

 Statistics on child sexual abuse http://somesecrets.info/blog/2014/1/20/10-confronting-child-sexual-abuse-statistics and http://somesecrets.info/blog/2014/1/20/terrifying-statistics-linking-child-sexual-abuse-and-the-internet 

Jayneen Sanders is a teacher, author, mother of three teenage daughters and an active advocate for sexual abuse prevention education both in the home and in schools.

For more information on this topic and Jay’s children’s book on safe and unsafe touch: 'Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept' and 'No Means No!', also the parent's guide 'Body Safety Education - a parents' guide to protecting kids from sexual abuse' go to www.somesecrets.info

Now available on Amazon in 7 seven languages. http://www.amazon.com/Jayneen-Sanders/e/B00BDCGZ1W/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1

 

Key Organisations for Further Help

RAINN: http://www.rainn.org/get-help

Childhelp: http://www.childhelp.org/pages/hotline-home

 

34 Comments

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

My Body is MY Body Safety Song

This little song “My Body is MY Body” written by Debra Byrne and Jayneen Sanders (author of Some Secrets Should Never Be kept) can make a huge difference to the safety of our children. The song; sung by Debra’s daughter, grandson and neighbour, provides kids with knowledge about their body ownership and their rights in relation to their body. Knowledge is a powerful tool and as a community, we have a duty of care to empower the children under our protection.

For too long we have left children unprotected without any knowledge of their rights in relation to their body. It is time for this to change. With 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys being sexual abused before their 18th birthday and 93% of them knowing their perpetrators, teaching kids body safety is paramount.

Quick to learn and sung to “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”, “My Body is MY Body” is perfect for pre-kinder kids through to 8 year olds. Please share this clip. We teach water safety and we teach road safety. Let’s teach BODY SAFETY! Together, as a community, we can do this! I know this issue is uncomfortable for most, but step out of your comfort zone. Our kids need us look at this issue square in the eye by providing them with knowledge and skills they need. Forewarned is forearmed!


 

Comment

Jay Sanders

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: ‘What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?’ When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.